Winter Wonderland

So it's been snowing off and on pretty heavily for a week. Some of the roads I travel on my way to work truly have been transformed into a winter wonderland. The branches have been coated with ice and then a layer of fluffy snow. And then more ice the next day....and then more snow. The few minutes a day that the sun does shine makes all this frozen foliage look like God dropped tiny diamond flecks from the sky. The other bonus of this winter weather is the peaceful quiet time when the sky is a white out and there are no cars around cluttering up the serene silence. Don't get me wrong, I am a big fan of summertime but it's a blessing to have these seasonal transformations every once in awhile.

Family photos

I just sat through 20 minutes of looking at somebody else's family photos from the holidays. And that brought me to this conclusion. People only want to look at 3 pictures of any given family other than their own. THREE. Not your whole lap top hard drive filled with every angle possible of the newest addition to the family. Yes, babies are cute. Yes, puppies are adorable. But 20 minutes of the same baby and the same puppy is nauseating if it isn't related to you by blood. And immediate family blood...not that third cousin twice-removed kinda blood. Since I will start having my own additions to the family in the next few years I vow to never show anyone more than 3 photos. Keep them wanting more, leave them smiling. Not backing out of the room at a snail's pace as you keep advancing the never-ending slideshow.

holiday death

I've only been back to work two days and have heard of the deaths of 3 co-workers' loved ones and one teenage son of a hollywood super-couple. Death is death no matter when it occurs but why does it feel so much sadder when it is so close to the holidays. The dearly departed are still gone. The grief is the same. The funeral will be the same. But the extra something brought on by the time period from Thanksgiving through New Years, give or take a fews weeks on either side, is palatable and noticed by everyone. It's weird to hear it come out of so many mouths, "...and it had to be right after Christmas;" or "what a way to start the new year." My dad died a couple weeks before Thanksgiving and while it did screw up my thoughts on Thanksgiving forever, it would have hurt just as much if he would have died in the middle of July. Wonder why we all notice the difference.

First Kiss junkie

So after a nice, long Christmas break spent passing the time watching movies with my family I realized that I am a "first kiss" junkie. The best first kiss in a movie, in my humble opinion of course, is a four-way tie between Richard Gere and Julia Ormond in First Knight; Rachel McAdams and Ryan Gosling in The Notebook; Drew Barrymore and Michael Vartan in Never Been Kissed; and Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal in Brokeback Mountain.

I ventured over to YouTube to see if there were others like me and lo and behold there are. There are more lists and more opinions than I'd ever imagined. I'm glad I'm not alone in this addiction. Kinda crazy but certainly better than heroin.

You're a what?

Why do people find the news of someone becoming a vegetarian an invitation to challenge the decision. I recently made a personal decision to stop eating meat, poultry, and seafood. I didn’t announce this decision with trumpets blaring from the top of my desk. I didn’t walk down to the cafeteria and throw tofu pudding all over the carnivores quietly enjoying their afternoon meal. I am married to one of them and support his right to Fred-Flinstone his dinner with all the vim and vigor he possesses. My man loves meat and I love my man. I simply decided to not eat meat. Period. So when a few co-workers asked why I had been eating so many vegetables I quietly stated that I had decided not to eat meat anymore. One of three various replies were quickly hurled at me. One…"oh right, we’ll see how long THAT lasts." Two…"oh great, another hippie tree-hugger on the planet." And my favorite…Three…"you do know that God made animals for our use and pleasure." Do you think if I would give up Twinkies, Oreos and Ho-Hos I’d get the same responses? Thanks for your concern but One…who knows how long anything lasts anymore. My choice of entrée isn’t a competition or marathon. Two…and what’s wrong with hippie tree-huggers? I’d be proud to be in their company. Three…I’m pretty sure God cares less about you quoting the Bible regarding this topic and would be happier if we learned that golden rule stuff that He wants us to practice. The next time someone mentions my eating habits I think I’ll just tell them I am carrying an alien lovechild and leave it at that.

Happy New Year.... now stop smoking

More people try to quit smoking as a new year's resolution than any other time of the year. My daughter's best friend and his boyfriend are two that we know who are giving it a go as 2009 begins. As a former smoker I wish them success and warned them that the first 4 days suck. Suck out loud actually. But then it's not too bad and eventually will be the greatest decision they've ever made. I know it's the greatest decision I've ever made but I'm not so sure that I didn't kill my dad in the process.

I often wonder if I did indeed kill my dad. What if the reason he was cursed with pancreatic cancer was solely to get me to quit smoking. After many long years of a pack and half a day, I only found the strength to quit as a birthday present to him after he died. During those last days of his battle with that sneaky bastard of a cancer, he mentioned to my mother that "Barbara Lynn needs to quit that smoking." She told me that not too long after he died and I knew then that I had what I needed to finally free myself of that nasty habit. On his birthday a three short months after his death, I smoked my last cigarette. Next month will be eight years.

As I was walking through Manhattan recently it hit me that in the big plan of the cosmos perhaps that was my darling dad's mission. We are all born with a role and specific job to do and what if that was his. If he hadn’t contracted that ugly disease and died so young and unexpectedly, I would most likely still be smoking. Was his mission to save me, or my children, from the damages of cigarettes? I stopped in my tracks and felt like someone hit me with a truck. Was I the reason he was dead? Did I inadvertently kill my own father to fulfill some convoluted plan of destiny? Damn.